There are two things that I hate now and have always hated:
1. Loud noises
2. Crowds
I like to blame things on being an introvert, so I'm going to assume that's partially why these are two things I despise. Loud noises are overstimulating and make my brain shut down, and crowds are places for me to simultaneously worry about being in people's way while being angry that they're in my way. I also don't like to be touched by strangers.
Sure, I'm getting old and curmudgeonly, but let's be real about this. I've always had a little bit of "get off my lawn" in me, even in my days as a wee grumpy child. It might surprise you to learn that, not only do I hate it now, but I have always hated live music. Why? Well, obviously because it's a combination of the two aforementioned aversions: crowds + loud noises.
Let me preface this to say that I DO attend concerts of artists I enjoy, and I do enjoy those concerts. It's very cool to see someone you really like perform right in front of you. For one night, I try my hardest to put aside my hatred of crowds and loud noises to appreciate seeing an awesome performance. I do highly prefer indoor concerts at places that have assigned seating, however, because even though we don't sit down, the seat area gives me a "personal space zone" that I can't get at "general admission" concerts. God I do love my personal space.
But concerts I want to attend are few and far between, because I'm not a self-proclaimed "music lover." I have music that I love, but I'm not one of those people who enjoys all music for its, uh, musicality. Honestly, if it's not either a specific artist or genre, I probably don't want to hear it. Especially if it's country.
Nothing compares to the overwhelming feeling of dread that I get when I'm somewhere and some guy just whips out an acoustic guitar. Don't ruin my goddamned campfire with your whiny rendition of overplayed pop songs, Brent. I was having a great time talking to my friends and making smores, and now for some reason everyone wants to sing along with to the goddamned Barenaked Ladies. Fuck the Barenaked Ladies, and fuck you, Brent.
If I go out to a bar, I generally want to do one of two things: talk to my friends or dance. I don't want someone coming in while I'm having a nice drink and conversation with my friends and turning on amps made for a stadium inside the tiny dive bar to explode my eardrums. I also don't want you pushing out the DJ for your stupid sensitive guitar bro music if I'm getting my dance on. I want nothing to do with your goddamned live music in my goddamned bar.
Even though I've never been to SXSW in all its glory, back in the early 2000s when I was in college, I do remember that going to 6th Street that weekend was the ACTUAL WORST. The bars we'd always hit up for their good DJs would be overtaken with randos with their unknown bands, playing very un-danceable shit and often trying to charge us cover to get in.
Now the supercool hip fun thing is music fests. If there is a hell that's individually tailored to the person, mine will be an outdoor music festival. Loud noises, crowds, drunk people, dirt, heat, sweat, inadequate plumbing, sitting through music I don't like to make it to the one act I do like... I would have loved to see Dr Dre and Snoop together, plus the Tupac hologram, but having to suffer through anything else about Coachella to see them? Not worth it. I live-streamed it on YouTube and that was as close as I cared to get.
And then there's the general awkwardness of watching someone sing really close to you. If you're in a bar or small restaurant and there's live music, it almost seems rude to talk while the person is playing. I've mentioned this before - what do you do when someone is playing music at you? Stare at them? Continue your conversation? That seems rude, but also I mean I didn't ASK you to whip out your pan flute, motherfucker. I JUST CAME HERE FOR A DRINK WITH MY FRIEND BUT NOW WE CAN'T TALK BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING US WATCH YOU DO THIS THING WE DON'T EVEN WANT YOU TO DO. WE DON'T LIKE YOUR MUSIC BUT WE HAVE TO PRETEND WE DO BECAUSE SOCIETY TELLS US THAT'S HOW WE ACT. And then we have to clap when you're done, but that's only ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR that we want you to stop.
So for the love of god, stop springing live music on unsuspecting victims in public places, unless I'm allowed to throw rotten vegetables like in those 1930s Mickey Mouse cartoons.
