YOU'RE SINGLE BECAUSE YOU USE PET NAMES

And I thought that because I hadn't been on a date since Houdini left me to fend for myself for 3 hours that I wouldn't have blog material. So painfully wrong.

This is somewhat of an extension of Jill's blog, "You yell at girls on the street," but a little bit more subtle. Yes, there's the whistler, the catcaller, and the general obnoxious honker, but sometimes you find quieter versions of the same thing.

Today I decided to leave my current quarters for lunch because I'd been very good about saving food money for the past few days, and thought I'd treat myself to a non-home lunch, all $10 of it. Being the complete lazy ass that I am, I threw on some yoga pants, my Wipeout tshirt, flip flops, and my glasses. While I was wearing makeup, it was just mascara so I wouldn't offend strangers with my blonde eyelashes.

I drove a few blocks to Beverly Dr., where there is every restaurant under the sun from Subway to Ruth's Chris. I sat outside eating a delicious gyro plate, watching fancy people walk by with their tiny dogs and $1000 purses. After lunch, I decided to use a little more of my free 2 hour parking to take a little walk and look in the store windows of places I'm too afraid to go in for fear of being kicked out because I'm poor. Passing a jewelry store, there was a security guard out front. As I passed (remember the outfit here), he goes:

"Hey beautiful, how YOU doin?"

I gave a polite "Hi" and walked quickly away. I can't express to you why I get so offended when people call me "baby," "beautiful," "sweetheart," "gorgeous," etc. While these are things I would like to hear from a boyfriend (after the requisite amount of dating - don't start this shit up on the first date), the fact that you think you can just roll up and call me whatever the hell you want pisses me off.

I've had guys in bars approach me with "Hey baby." IMMEDIATE turn off. Had they just come up and said hi, and introduced themself, I might have been more obliging. I'm not your baby. I'm not some object that you have the privilege of staring at. I find it SO demeaning. You don't KNOW me. How can you already give me a pet name? Especially one that I find so horrifyingly offensive. Do other girls respond to this? Does "Hey beautiful" make you feel good about yourself and in turn you pay attention to said guy? Am I really off the mark here?

To me the use of a pet name as a pick up line either screams "you are something I want to show off to my friends and I don't care about any other part of you other than your looks" or "I'm a huge sleaze and will probably cheat on you and treat you like crap." I'm probably smarter than your ass, you sissy bitch. No I'm not going to make you a sandwich, shithead. Make your own goddamned sandwich.

While I have a firey hatred for pet names outside of a relationship, I can't say I haven't been a party to the use of pet names with boyfriends. Generally they're a mockery of real pet names, like "Sex Muffin" and "Love Biscuit," and only used for the sake of humor. But once I did receive a note from a boyfriend after he left for work that said "Have a good day, beautiful." I kept it til we broke up.

But really, guys. There's nothing creepier than someone you don't know calling you "baby." It's like they're oozing cologne and sleaze all at the same time. It's so...Jersey Shore. Ugh. Now I'm going to have nightmares of big guidos calling me baby on the street. And seriously, I understand such comments are often likely when I'm dressed up to go out, but if it looks like I made an EFFORT to be under the radar and unattractive (gym clothes and glasses...), at least respect my attempt at looking like crap.