YOU'RE (I'M) SINGLE BECAUSE YOU'RE (I'M) A BUMBLING IDIOT

Yes, this post is about me. And I'm a huge bumbling idiot.

Today at work I went into the kitchen to refill my water bottle. The kitchen is shared between the two rooms of our office space, both of which are currently filled with 3 separate projects - one large one in my room, and two small ones in the other. We rarely see or speak to the people in the opposing room, so I wasn't prepared when a really hot guy came into the kitchen as I finished my refill.

Immediately I turn into a 12-year-old meeting Justin Bieber. I cannot form words, probably turn bright red, and force a really creepy smile so that Cute Boy doesn't think I'm a raving bitch. Unfortunately, it probably makes him believe I'm a raving lunatic. In a huff, I return to my seat and try to calm down, wondering how bad of a first impression I just made.

About half an hour later, said water bottle is empty and my bladder is full. I leave the confines of my project space to enter the hallway. Walking to the bathroom, I see the back of Cute Boy leaning against the wall texting. Luckily he doesn't see me before I make it into the bathroom or I might have fallen on my face or thrown up on him a la Stan from South Park. When I get back to my seat, I text my friend across the room that there's a cute guy in the hall, and we decide we're going to "go downstairs to get a cookie."

We leave the room and Cute Boy is still in the same position, texting away (our job is REALLY boring). We pass him on the way to the elevators and he mentions he's seen us in the other room, and introduces himself. I don't remember what I said other that my name, but it was probably "I AM GOING TO EAT A COOKIE HERE WE GO" with crazy eyes and an unnecessary sense of urgency.

Downstairs, I buy said cookie, if only for show, and then decide to check my bank balance at the lobby atm. I pull out my receipt, turn around, and Cute Boy has followed us into the lobby. I make some joke about him stalking us, and head back to the elevator. All the while the atm is beeping loudly, since of course I forgot to get my card. The guard at the security desk followed me to the elevator and had to explain to me that the beeping was my card being left in the machine. I sprint across the lobby, in front of Cute Boy, retrieve my card, and embarrassingly get back into the elevator.

My friend and I were laughing so hard we stood there, the doors closed, and we began having a conversation. Unfortunately, neither of us had pushed the button for our floor, so the doors reopen momentarily and guess who is standing outside the elevator waiting for a ride. We all laugh hysterically (if not uncomfortably) and continue up to our floor. But because I'm a complete tool around guys I think are cute (and who actually happen to be nice), he probably thought I was the most bizarrely awkward, spastic person he has ever met, while my friend, who wasn't painfully attracted to him, was able to form complete sentences and look him in the eye.

We go into our separate rooms upon parting the elevator and I don't see him again for the rest of the day. THIS, my friends, is why I'm single.