AN OPEN LETTER TO EVERYONE

I have been called many things in my life, and a great deal of them are true.  I may be a bit overbearing, sometimes I'm depressing, I can get annoying, I can be a bitch, I might flake on you at the last minute, I procrastinate better than most, I'm self-deprecating, sometimes I make bad decisions, I'm not good with money, I tend to not make up my mind, I have some anger management issues, I'm on a shitton of medication, and often times I don't think before I speak.  I may be inappropriate, immature, and not "professional."  Perhaps that's because I was required to act like a 40 year old for two full years while putting the scum of the earth in jail.  Maybe I need a little bit of a breather.

Let me tell you something.  I have managed to go 30 years without being arrested, called into the principal's office, disciplined at work, or getting in a physical fight.  I graduated from high school having never had a drink of an alcoholic beverage with a 3.8 gpa, was accepted into multiple top-twenty undergraduate universities, and received a scholarship at the one I attended and a full scholarship to another.  I never got into trouble in college, I never got cited for drinking underage, I never even got kicked out of a party.

I've never smoked a cigarette.  As stated by one of the members of my sorority in college, "Not even when you were 13 and it was cool?"  Nope.  Never.  With the exception of the 9-0, which barely counts due to a complete and utter lack of following the law, I never entered a bar before the age of 21.  I never owned a fake ID.  I'm probably one of the only people who made it through adolescence without shoplifting something minor like a lipstick or nail polish. 

What's the consensus here?  I'm not a thief.  I'm not a liar.  I may make questionable decisions about my finances, about where I park my car, about what I do on any given night, but I am not a criminal.  Let me say that again.  I DO NOT LIE.  Regardless of the consequences, I AM NOT A LIAR.  I DO NOT LIE, DO NOT CALL ME A LIAR YOU WORTHLESS FUCK.  You can tell me all the things I've done wrong in the past year, and lying is NOT one of them. 

Yes, I may have two (.25) degrees.  I may be a licensed attorney in two states.  I may be back at school for the third time ON SCHOLARSHIP because I won't settle for a job I don't like.  I'm sorry I'm older than you and generally more successful.  I'm sorry I'm more attractive than you and I get hit on every day by cops and people who come in to the office.  I'm sorry you feel you need to be a ginormous bitch because you're a woman and a glorified secretary.  I'm sorry that I actually did the work I was supposed to do without bitching despite the fact that I was being paid 1/4 of what I was paid as a contract attorney.  I'm sorry I'm doing something with my life and you're stuck in a dead-end job that, without a peace officer's license, will never amount to more than a highly trained administrative assistant.  And I'm sorry that I made a mistake that you will not acknowledge IS NOT A LIE.  I admit my faults.  I admit when I fuck up.  I did fuck up, but I in NO WAY lied about it.  Why the hell would I tell people if I thought something I was doing was illegal?  "Yeah, I've got this meth I'm gonna go sell in the middle of campus, I'll be there in 5, send your friends."  I'm not a fucking moron.  I've dealt with morons.  I was a goddamned prosecutor.  Some people are liars, and some people make mistakes.  I can tell the difference.  Sorry you can't.

You can ask any friend of mine, or any person who knows me.  I have faults, I have weaknesses, but I am trustworthy and I am honest.  Even people who think I'm a ginormous bitch know I'm honest.  Probably because I was being honest when I was being a ginormous bitch.  I'm not going to be fake, or pretend to be something I'm not.  If I don't feel comfortable talking to someone about something, I just keep it inside, I don't lie about it.  I'm not sure if it's jealousy or simply female on female angst, but I know a male in your position would have at least listened to me and not called me a liar multiple times.  Call me lazy, call me mean, call me unprofessional, call me conniving, call me vengeful, but DO NOT CALL ME A LIAR, because that is at least ONE THING that you can say about me that is untrue.  I hope you're as miserable as you seem to be on a daily basis.  Go fuck yourself.