THE COVER LETTER I WISH I COULD WRITE

I saw an article the other day with the same title, and it got me thinking.  While that author was more concerned with the "I need money, I don't care what job I get right now" thing, here's what I'd like to write:

To whom it may concern:

I'm interested in *Position X* that you posted on your website.  Let me start by saying I'm qualified - your position does not require years of experience, math skills, a degree in science or technology, nor does it require me to make cold calls or sell things to people who might not want them.  I'm not overqualified or underqualified.  You're probably a little put off by my law degree, confused as to what I'm looking to do or how much I want you to shell out for a salary.  Don't worry, I made less as an attorney than I likely will in your industry, and I would hope that the fact that I'm getting an ENTIRELY NEW DEGREE would show you that I'm not going to just up and leave you when a law firm hires me.

Here's the problem - I can't write you the fanciest, fakest, bullshitty cover letter about how this is my dream job and I will cover your office in stars and happiness and change the path of the company as a whole.  The truth is, I don't know what my dream job is.  I know what interests me from my classes, but that hardly translates to whether or not I will like a particular job or not (as evidenced by my awful internship in Hong Kong, despite my interest and enjoyment of my corporate PR class). 

Here's the real story - if I'm applying to this job, I'm interested in it.  The job description seems like something I would enjoy and excel at, yet I can't provide you with an emotional story depicting why this job and I are a perfect match.  Internships, as I have found, are trial and error.  I won't know if I like your internship or this particular part of PR unless you give me a chance and let me try it out.  I'm not supposed to admit this, but I'm experimenting.  I'm trying things out that might be a match so that I can find what IS a match for me.  I'm not being flaky or just applying so I can have something on my resume - if that was the case I'd also be applying to those jobs that are titled "Social Media Intern" or "Event Planning."  I'm not - I'm applying to jobs similar to this one.

Here's what you will get out of me:  I have an undergraduate degree in advertising, the aforementioned law degree, and 3/4ths of a masters in public relations.  I have five years of experience in one of the MOST professional of all professions - law - so you're not getting a giggly 23-year-old who hasn't been in the real world.  I get shit done, I do it well, and I do it efficiently.  I have the logical thinking required to offer suggestions if I think something might be improved.  I'm able to convince pretty much anyone of anything, which should be of interest to you since your clients might need a little persuasive push on occasion.  I have public speaking down to a science, and a room full of CEOs is actually less terrifying than a judge, jury and an undetermined number of felons.

No, I haven't had particular experience with certain things, but I'm a student.  I'm seeking an internship.  Internships are where you get that experience, and I can't get experience without someone taking a chance on me and hiring me as an intern. 

So what is my passion, you ask?  Sadly my passions aren't in areas where I'm able to get jobs.  Remember the aforementioned lack of math skills and engineering degree?  Yeah.  My passion is architecture and design.  My passion is in learning for the sake of learning.  I love science, psychology, and creating things, whether it be art, IKEA furniture, or a new idea for a product.  I'm stuck in a world where interests and abilities don't collide, so I have to find a place where I can at least become close to a compromise between them.

If you hire me, you'll get someone who does the work, has good ideas, interacts professionally with her coworkers, and maybe, just maybe, someone who realizes this job actually IS her passion.  But you won't know if you don't give ME a chance, just like I won't find my passion if I don't give your company a chance.

So please, for the love of god, hire me. 

Sincerely,

Undecided.