CRUNCHY COOKIES ARE GODDAMNED ABOMINATIONS

I'm not one to bury the lead here, people. Crunchy cookies should not be a thing.

In the four months that I've lived in Korea, I've found it to be a dessert-loving society and ice cream and cakes are readily available. As are donuts, chocolate croissants, shaved ice, and various types of Korean traditional desserts. A couple of weeks ago, some friends of mine and I actually went from Baskin Robbins straight across the street to a Krispy Kreme because we have no willpower (and needed breakfast for the next day). Whoever looks at my credit card statement would just be like WHOA FATTY FAT FAT, CALM DOWN.

However, in all the places I've had dessert items, one thing has been missing: delicious chocolate chip cookies. As much as I love ice cream, brownies and donuts, nothing makes me happier than a fresh, soft, chewy chocolate chip cookie, or, if I'm SUPER lucky, a DOUBLE chocolate chip cookie. Nothing is closer to my heart than a traditional cookie (and let's be real here, my heart is equal parts chocolate, cheese, and curry).

Sometime during my first month here, I noticed that in the myriad bakeries dotting the Korean landscape, there was not a single cookie. But...WHY? Maybe I don't want to indulge in a rich slice of cake for a snack, maybe I just want a little cookie to cure the craving. But none, nowhere. I occasionally found packaged cookies but didn't buy them.

Finally after way too long, I caved and bought a package of 6 cookies. It was a Peppridge Farm type package, and the picture on it was of a fresh chocolate chip cookie with melty chocolate chips. Mmmm. Soft melty chocolate chips, soft cookie... After lunch that day, I opened the package and to my horror I discovered that the cookies were not only not SOFT, they were ACTIVELY CRUNCHY. Like HARD. The kind where you bite it and crumbs fly everywhere because it crumbles into a billion goddamned pieces since it's such a WEAK excuse for a cookie. Ugh.

I know every cookie cannot be soft and gooey and fresh out of the oven, but there's a difference between one that's "not soft" and "actively hard." A cookie should kind of bend when you're trying to take a piece, not crack under pressure. If you drop your cookie on the table, it shouldn't sound like you dropped a wooden coaster. YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KNOCK ON A HARD SURFACE WITH A COOKIE. It's just UNREASONABLE.

Why would you do that to something so delicious? SERIOUSLY WHY? It has so much potential! Just don't cook it so damn long! Does anyone in their right mind PREFER hard cookies? HAVE KOREANS EVER EATEN A DELICIOUS FRESH BAKED COOKIE? DO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING?

When I was back in the US for my winter break, I went to Starbucks with my mom. Without thinking too much, I got a cookie, as I had many times before. Then I ate it, and was overwhelmed with joy as I enjoyed the glorious soft chewiness that I'd been missing for so long. That is a proper cookie, my friends. Hard cookies are dessert abominations and should be forbidden.