RELATIVELY UNSNARKY POST

Well this is weird. I suppose I've written things before that weren't actively funny or full of anger-induced snark, but this still feels rather out-of-character.

To counteract any seriousness later on, here are a few things that I do now that I've been in Korea for 7.5 months:

- I pretty much automatically say "joesonghamnida" when I bump into someone, so soon I'll be at my "normal" of apologizing to inanimate objects in Korean as well
- I have perfected certain very simple phrases in Korean, but have also perfected my "yeah, that's literally all I know how to say in Korean" face for when someone replies back to me in Korean assuming I'm fluent
- I wear socks every day. It's really odd.
- I learned I can't wear a pollution mask because it makes me feel like I'm suffocating so I start having a panic attack
- I also learned that not wearing a pollution mask on certain days results in a crazy headache

So yeah, I'm settling in alright. Of the 7.5 months I've been here, 6 of them were winter. That's more winter than I've ever experienced in my life, all in one year. I'm more than a little excited for springtime.

A few things have happened that are worthy of mentioning - this time last year I was on 3 different antidepressants and I was still depressed. Right now, I'm only on one, and I'm not depressed at all. To be fair, I could really use a klonopin while I teach kindergarteners, though, but I haven't murdered anyone without it yet... This is the first time in my life when I've been "default happy." I'm not really worried about anything, I don't feel like I'm just going in circles in my life anymore, and I do see human beings on a daily basis (which sometimes, though, might be a little much).

Honestly I have no idea why I'm so much happier now. I mean, realistically, not much has changed. I haven't found my "dream job," I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not doing something super exciting every day. I guess I needed a change in scenery, and a new place to explore. I really don't know what it is.

I did, however, find my home. In 36 years, I have lived in 6 cities, in 3 states and 2 countries. Friends of mine from high school continuously go back to Austin after living away for a while, saying they were homesick. I never understood what homesick really felt like. I would miss people, and miss fun times, like law school or college, but I never missed a PLACE without the people. To me, home was where certain people were, not a fixed location. Now that my friends are scattered all over the world, there really is no central location that I can "miss" for being home to my friends. Until I moved to Korea...

I now understand what homesick means. Not horrible "I need to go home right now, this place sucks" kind of homesick, but missing a place and feeling like, when I do leave where I am now, I know where my HOME is. I miss LA. I left it knowing I had maybe 2-3 friends still left in the city. It's not about people anymore, it's about the place. That's my home. Seeing it in TV shows, pictures, anything - that's my home, that's where I belong. I miss MY Starbucks, and MY grocery store, and driving with the windows down through the hills. I miss In N Out, mostly at 1am.

But yeah, probably everyone here is like "uh, okay, so you feel homesick." YEAH but that's not the point. I never knew what it felt like before! I've never had a home to be sick FOR! I lived in Austin for 14 years, but I never pined for it. I was too young to really miss Springfield. So imagine, for a second, that you never felt this way about a place for 36 years of your life, then understand the magnitude. It's epiphany-esque.

Don't worry. I'm not coming back right now. I'll be here at least another year and a half (year long contracts). I like it here, it's nice. I'm glad I came, and I'm not finished yet. But I'm also glad I discovered I have a home to go back to when I want.