THINGS I WILL AND WILL NOT MISS ABOUT KOREA

Foreward:
I have been back in the US for about two weeks now, and I've already experienced some hilarious culture-shocky things. For example, I still try to hand cashiers my credit card with two hands, and I got some weird ass looks at Starbucks the other day. I feel weird wearing shoes inside, but am also grateful that I can sit down to tie them so I don't fall on my ass. I have also indulged in glorious things like BBQ, Mexican food, soft cookies, and non-fatty meat, and missed them oh so much. And then I have had to take my purse with me when I got up to get food at a restaurant because Americans are awful and will steal your shit. So that's where we are now.

Things I will totally miss about Korea:

- The safety. I can walk down the street at night and nothing happens. NOTHING. It's like it's daytime. And in the daytime, I can LEAVE MY PHONE ON A TABLE to reserve it while I go pick up my coffee at the counter. You can leave your laptop on a table when you go to the restroom. You can leave your phone on a bus and SOMEONE WILL RETURN IT. It's seriously the safest place in the goddamned world.

- The cleanliness. Korea is very clean, probably because most of it is very new. The subway is so clean you could eat off the floor (but you best not be eating on the subway, you heathen), literally 0 things smell like pee - not subway stations, not buses, not sidewalks in urban areas, NOTHING. Other than my apartment building, everything is well-maintained and cleaned frequently. Nothing is sketchy or dirty. 

- The shopping. Like much of Asia, Korea has plenty of places to buy uber cheap clothes. Unlike much of Asia, however, everything is often very well-made and soft. It's like there's some sort of law here about what material clothes are made of. Sweaters aren't scratchy. T-shirts are super stretchy. Even from international brands like H&M and Forever21 the clothes feel softer than in the US. 

- THE MAKEUP. I was already using Korean makeup and skincare before I moved here, and I had to order everything online. Now I can walk down the street and find every single skincare brand I love within 2 minutes of each other. It's like goddamned makeup Disneyland. And it's reasonably priced! I'm hoping more brands are now in LA so it'll be easier to find when I get back. 

- Public transit. I take a bus every day. I'm not afraid I will get murdered or mugged on said bus. They're very clean, efficient, and comfortable. I have ridden two buses in LA, and both times I kept a tight hold on my purse so someone wouldn't snatch it or ask me for change. The subway is by far the greatest thing ever - as I said before, it's brand new and clean, goes literally everywhere you need to go, and is cheap. People have cars here, but you definitely don't need one to go anywhere. 

- People don't talk to me. I'm sure it's both a language and culture thing. I'm very obviously not Korean, so most people assume I speak 0 words of Korean. I'm fine with this - I can impress them when I do know some words. But also I think it's just fucking weird to them to go up and start chit chatting with strangers. And you know what? IT IS WEIRD. Goddamnit America, we don't need to talk to everyone we see. We can put our headphones in and ignore the world. I don't ride buses or go shopping or to a museum to make new friends, just shut the hell up and leave me alone. Everyone should be more like Koreans in this way (I think this is prevalent in many Asian countries so GO ASIA).

- Proximity to other places I want to visit. I went to Japan for a WEEKEND. Because my flight was 2 hours. That's shorter than LA to my parents' house. JAPAN YOU GUYS. Beijing is the same distance,  but I didn't go because the visa is expensive and time consuming. But Japan, Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, the Philippines, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam... Such cheap flights and such awesome places. I will really miss the ability to travel on a whim. 

Things I miss about NOT living in Korea:

- Mexican food. I can find most types of food here, including damn good Indian food, but I need Mexican food. NEED. 

- Good pieces of meat. I think many countries outside North America (who am I kidding, probably LITERALLY just the US and Canada) think it's perfectly acceptable to eat gross, fatty, grisly pieces of meat. Chicken skin. Dark meat. Well, you know what? It's not. I want some goddamned white meat chicken, beef without huge veins of fat, and pork that's not full of gristle. Samgyeopsal (pork belly) is the biggest thing here, and it's fucking nasty. 30% of it is edible, lean meat. 70% is big, thick, chewy pieces of fat. I want to go somewhere and order a meat dish and know I don't have to leave half of it on my plate because it's inedible.

- SOFT FUCKING COOKIES. It's like soft cookies invaded Korea and killed all their moms. Cookies exist here, all the normal kinds, but they're all CRUNCHY. It's nasty. Nobody wants to eat a fucking crunchy cookie. I haven't had a soft cookie since I've been here, and it's a goddamned travesty. 

- The weather. Sweet merciful shit, it's like living in Antarctica in winter and Florida in the summer. In 10 months, there have been a total of about 10 "pleasant" days, which is ironically the same number of unpleasant days LA has per year. I can tolerate snow, but 6 months of dead, brown plants and trees is too much for me. It's so depressing. And the moment shit starts growing, the humidity comes in and makes you not want to be outside ever. If someone asked me if I could get rid of Trump OR never feel humidity again in my life, I would have to take a week to decide.

- Non-Korean food.  Coming from a place that is a mishmash of cultures and foods, it's hard to understand how people can eat one type of food all the time. Korean food all has a very similar flavor to it, and even if it's spicy, it's kind of bland. I don't love most of it. Indian food has a similar flavor to it all, but that flavor is GODDAMNED HEAVEN. I really only like a couple of Korean foods, yet it's 80% of all the restaurants. And sometimes they even Korean-ify foreign dishes, by somehow making them less flavorful.

- Being a foreigner. Sometimes it's a blessing (because no one tries to talk to me) but other times it's a problem. You have to really plan things so you don't have to ask people questions. You can't order complicated things on a menu because you don't know enough of the language for them to get your order right. I'd like to go to the dentist, but it's too much trouble. Finding any kind of service is difficult because my minimal Korean and their minimal English cannot specify what you need help with. 

- Good tea. BUT YOU'RE IN ASIA, you say. Well, I discovered that Korean tea is gross. They don't have just plain green tea. They always add something to it, and not fruit or something. It's like BARLEY or rice, or some other kind of root or grain, or CORN SILK. Imagine you are drinking green tea. Now imagine it has the aftertaste of an unsweetened puffed rice cereal. Not great. There's one place I can go to buy my favorite brand of Japanese tea, and I feel like a goddamned traitor every time I do. But seriously Korea, stop fucking up tea. It's good without being adulterated.

- Taking off my goddamned shoes. I usually don't wear my shoes around the house, but I don't take them off at the door. I walk over to my couch or something. I am so fucking tired of stopping at every door and taking off my shoes. I don't even wear shoes that aren't slip ons anymore. They're too much trouble. And if you take too long taking off your shoes, people get all impatient. WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME WEAR THEM THEN!?

- The pollution. Coming from Los Angeles, I though I understood pollution. I did not. LA is a beautiful clean-aired paradise compared to Korea. Has anyone seen pictures of LA in the 70s? Where you can't see more than a mile away? That's Korea. The sky is often yellow. Clear days are maybe once a month. They have pollution alerts. It's gotten me very sick with respiratory shit, and it's completely messed up my skin. After only 2 days in Japan, my skin was looking great. I get back to Korea, and BAM, zit factory again. I can't wait to get back to air that doesn't cause me to break out. Or not breathe. Or shorten my lifespan.