Saturday, September 15, 2012


I've started a rather interesting minimum-wage work study job with DPS at USC, which is basically their police station.  I have the honorable duty to be the lost and found girl, which requires the skills and reflexes of a ninja.  People call me or come in, ask if someone has turned in their lost wallet, hat, or 2 foot drum from band practice that is so easily misplaced, and I heroically swoop in with their lost item, saving the day and their money.  Then sometimes this happens.

Phone rings.
ME:  DPS lost and found...
GUY:  Heyyyyyyy............I, uh, lost...........myyyyy....(REAAALLY long pause)...robot.
M:  Your robot?
G:  Yeahhh.  (obviously he had just eaten 50 special brownies)
M:  Well, I've been here all morning, and I'm pretty sure I'd remember it if someone brought in a robot.
G:  So you don't have it?
M:  No.  No I don't.
G:  Are you SURE?  Could you check?
M:  Um, could you describe your robot?
G:  Uhhh...whaaat?
M:  Your robot.  What does it look like?
G:'s red....
M:  Like for instance, does it look like a person?  Or a dog?  Or is it a Roomba?
M:  It's a vacuum cleaner that vacuums your house for you.
G:  OH...that's, no it's not a roomba.  (long pause)
M:  Well I'll keep an eye out for your robot, dude.
G:  Ok...ok thanks...
*I hang up*

I found this highly amusing.  A prank call to lost and found?  In the middle of the day?  College, gotta love it.  But it got better.  Ten minutes later he calls back.

M:  DPS lost and found...
G:  Heyyyy you remember my robot?!
M:  Yep, I do in fact remember your robot.
G:  So I just remembered,'s in a bag.......with 2 boxes.....
M:  Ok.  What's in the boxes?
G:  The robot. 
M:  So your robot is inside a box that is inside a bag...
G:  Yeah.  So NOW have you seen it?
M:  Nope.  No one has brought in a robot in a bag.
G:  Oh.  Damn. 
*I decide to take some liberties with this obviously confused young man*
M:  Would you say your robot's smart?
G:  Huh? 
M:  Is your robot smart?
G:  Yeah it's real smart. 
M:  Do you think your robot is smart enough to find his way home?
G:.............uh, maybe?
M:  Here's what you should do.  You should go home and wait for him.
G:   Huh?
M:  Well, your robot probably has a GPS in him, right?  So he can probably find his own way home if he's got a GPS.
G:.....uh, ok.
M:  So you just stay home, and I'm sure your robot will be home soon.  Just wait.  He'll show up.
G:.......uhh...ok....yeah, ok.(as if I had just given him a good idea)
M:  Good luck, man.
*I hang up*

Somehow I manged to out-prank a prank caller, because he was too high to remember what the hell he was doing.  The best part was that my boss (a girl my age) was in her office and heard just my side of this conversation and came out when it was over with the most confused look on her face ever.  Best job ever.