Friday, May 10, 2013


First of all, this post is highly ironic seeing as I'm a licensed attorney working for $10/hr in the USC law library, and I get this.  I am in no position to judge (nor am I usually), but alas, we all do it.  And sometimes it's just too easy.

Having gone to law school I recognize the "types."  There are the people who are pretty reasonable human beings and come to the library frequently during finals (now).  There are the people who have a specific study group and always show up with the same people, and sometimes they ask for the same room, responding with an overzealous sigh when I tell them it's taken.  There are the people who come in alone, sit  alone, and stay until the library closes - every single time I'm there.  I assume these people have no friends, since they're in the library at 11pm on a Friday night EVERY Friday night.

I have a couple of favorites though.  Sitting in my ivory tower at the front desk, it's reasonably easy to tell someone's personality, especially if they're there every single time I work (note: I only work closing shifts).  The "I think I'm better than you because I'm on law review" students are highly amusing.  They always have a smug look on their face, and check out about 15 giant law books at a time, making sure they throw out that they're on law review at least once during the check-out process. 

You know what?  It's a good thing you impressed ME, the student worker at the law library, by telling me how smart you are that you're on law review.  I'm a very important person.  And congratulations on doing something you probably actively hate but feel you need to get a decent job.  Congratulations for being in the library at 10pm on a weekend!  This is obviously fantastic for you and I can see the joy in your eyes. 

The very very best was one night, about 20 minutes before closing, a law review girl came into the library wanting a certain book.  Well, guess what?  Some of our books are for library use only - so no, you can't take it home with you.  Apparently this didn't sit well with her, because she instantly put on her pompous "I'm a law student and I feel this gives me power over you" voice to explain that she was on law review and her article was due on Monday and she was going out of town.

Looks like someone didn't learn any time-management skills from being such a Smarty McGee on law review.  Waiting until right before closing the Friday before you go out of town to try and get a book?  Excellent idea.  I'm sure your future employer will love you for this work ethic.  But of course, she tries, rudely, to get us to make an exception.  For ten minutes.  Finally (and arguably rightfully so, the way we were being spoken to) my coworker, a smartass undergrad boy, told her "Well maybe you should have thought of this before the last minute."  I wanted to high five him, but she had to yell at us more first.

"I'm going to report you to your supervisor!"

Calmly (and ever so slightly condescendingly) I said, "You're going to report us to our supervisor for not letting you take a book out of the library that is not ALLOWED out of the library and then not making an exception for you because you're on law review or because you won't be able to come use it in the library this weekend due to circumstances that have nothing to do with us?  I'm sure she'll be very upset with us."

At this point, she'd been TOLD by an undergrad and her "authority" had been undermined by someone using logical reasoning, so she huffed out of the library and back to the miserable life that she leads.  She glares at me every time she comes in.  I just smile and think "She's miserable AND homely, what a terrible combination."

And finally there's the study couple.  They are here literally every day, and I see them either enter or exit during every shift I work, even when I sub at a random time.  The guy seems down-to-earth, but in a defeated way, because it's very obvious that his girlfriend wears the pants in their relationship.  That and their loving togetherness time is spent studying and outlining and based on the girl's face, freaking out unnecessarily.  I wonder if they've ever been on a date outside the library.  Likely they would talk about the same things they talk about IN the library, so why change the setting?

The girl has the look.  A combination of "I'm a ginormous bitch" and "I really hate my life."  She's never said more than two words to me so I cannot actually confirm either of these things, but suffice it to say that her body language, facial expression, and tone of voice when talking make me pretty damn certain I'm right.  I can tell they're the couple that the rest of the law students hate.  I mean, I hate them and I've only seen them in 30 second increments.  Every day.  Same couple.  Same study room.  Hours and hours and hours.  I wonder what the guy would be doing if he wasn't dating this overly serious emo bitch?  Probably making friends, going out with people from class, perhaps having FUN?  Clearly these are things he's not allowed to do.

I find these people all so amusing because I never saw them when I was in law school.  I didn't go to the library except to kill time between classes playing on the internet.  I sure as hell wasn't friends with these people, seeing as my friends would smile on occasion and leave their homes for "fun."  I just love it when someone lives out the stereotype of 24/7 studying no life stress freak this-was-the-worst-decision-ever law student.  And the self-importance is hilarious to me, since they have no authority to do anything and because their first job will slap them back into the reality that they're the newbies and do what everyone else tells them to do.  Enjoy that, jerks.

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