Sunday, October 27, 2013


Someday my posts about bad dates will end, and I'll have a good date that lasts forever, but until then I suppose I can at least keep you entertained.

I met a nice young man at a friend's wedding recently.  I wasn't necessarily looking to meet someone since the wedding was out-of-town, but it turned out that this guy lived in south LA.  He seemed fun and social at the wedding, and was very polite - he'd go and get me drinks when I was about to go so I could continue to dance, etc (no, he did not roofie me, sorry).  At the post-wedding brunch the next morning he even offered to get me some advil for my hangover, which he did promptly.  Very thoughtful. 

We didn't exchange numbers because there was always some awkward group dynamic, but he asked the bride for my number and we started chatting.  I invited him to Oktoberfest since it was near his place, and he not only came, he stood in line with me for a whole hour to get tickets since I didn't get them online (whoopsie).  Bought all my beers that night, etc.

So we hang out for a couple of weeks, and I'm still not entirely sure if I'm interested or not, because I feel like he hasn't opened up much.  A few things did sort of slip out, though, that I was slightly disturbed by.  In passing, driving to lunch or somewhere, he was talking about the new things they were building in his neighborhood, and then mentioned that it had gotten a lot more "ethnic" than when he first moved there.  Um, son, you live in LOS ANGELES.  In any given day, I am likely to hear at LEAST 3 languages, possibly more (English, Spanish, Armenian, Chinese, Farsi...) and he seems "surprised" that ANYWHERE in the city is "ethnic?"  I began to be on my guard, because I didn't like that statement.

Last week I invited him to a friend's Halloween party, because I was sort of hoping that was an isolated incident and perhaps he'd start opening up in a party atmosphere, like when I first met him.  A couple of days later, he texted me a picture of Milli Vanilli.  After a complete WTF moment, he said that was what he was being for Halloween.  Funny, yet not so funny if you only have Milli and not Vanilli...but whatever he wanted to do.

A couple of days later he texts me with a picture of him in costume, a hat, wig, and sunglasses.  He looked like Ozzy Osbourne, and I told him that jokingly.  And then here it came:

"I won't when I'm wearing my makeup!"
Hoping to all that was holy he was talking about some sort of Michael Jackson eyeliner or the like and not what I assumed, I asked
"Yeah, my face paint."
"You mean blackface?"
"NO."  followed by "You're joking right?"
"No, why?"
"Dude it's fucking 2013, you can't fucking wear blackface!!!"
"Why not?"

The conversation continued with him seemingly COMPLETELY IGNORANT of the fact that blackface hasn't been socially acceptable since like 1930, not to mention that it's ALWAYS been racist... So I told him that under no circumstances would he be wearing blackface to my friend's party, and I would not attend ANY party with him if he wore that.  He agreed not to, but still didn't really seem to understand.

I called him the next day.  "Dude.  Do you REALLY not understand why it's not ok to wear blackface?"
"Well, no..."
I told him the story of fraternities and sororities that got in major trouble for having only a FEW of their many members wear blackface at parties, and that these people were suspended or put on probation from their house.  And this was in TEXAS.  We're in LA.  I'm surprised I don't slip in a puddle of rainbows and liberalism on a daily basis, and this guy had literally no concept of how offensive this was.

He didn't say much in response.  No "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was that out of line" or "I had no idea, I will definitely not do it now."  Just sort of quiet on the other line occasionally mumbling "ok" every now and then, and not like he'd had some revelation of his idiocy.  I don't know why I didn't take this occasion to get rid of him quickly and easily, but I think I was still in a state of shock that a human being in one of the most diverse and liberal cities in the country didn't know blackface was racist.

I took the opportunity to ask another question:  "How do you feel about gay people?"
"Well, I don't know any really, but I don't have a problem with them."

You don't know any gay people?  Once again.  Los Angeles.  I'm practically TRIPPING OVER GAY PEOPLE and you don't know ANY?  Who are you?  I'd say nearly a quarter of my friends are gay.  I pictured a few years down the line with this guy and attending a gay friend's wedding, and it wasn't looking pretty. 

I did end up taking him to the Halloween party since he promised not to wear his "makeup" and because I didn't want the drama of disinviting him when I can just slowly phase out seeing him and answering texts.  The whole day before the party, I was so excited about my costume, but so dreading the party.  I didn't want to have to babysit him, or really hang out with him at all.  Luckily he didn't follow me around like a puppy so I was able to get away and have conversations with other people (ironically most of the party was either non-white or gay, with me and only a couple of others as the white folk).

I could also go into how he couldn't really have a real conversation, his jokes weren't funny, and he couldn't handle 5 seconds of silence and therefore would insert said unfunny jokes into any time I wasn't speaking, but I'm so horrified by the above incident that I can barely focus on that.  I'm so horrified I couldn't even make this post funny.  Also he's not on Facebook.  Like has NEVER had an account.  Obviously some people (me...) like it more than others, but someone my own age who has never ever had an account?  I find that a little odd.  At least that means I can post this without any repercussions though :)


  1. Dude the rampant blackface for this Halloween is insane. How do people not know this isn't OK?!?!

  2. Please for the love of god tell me this wasn't Andrew!!! Please!!???!!!

    1. I would tell you that, but I'd be lying.


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