Sunday, January 25, 2015


I know people have been rather disappointed in my lack of dating life, not so much for my own happiness but because they can't read about the disasters here online.  Well friends, I have a feeling that I'll have quite a good blog for you tomorrow night.

So I gave up internet dating, about seven times before I actually don't have any apps on my phone (ok, partially because I got a new phone and didn't put them on it, but that counts right?).  But being lonely and unemployed got to me, and I may or may not have searched "matchmakers in LA" because I heard a rumor that the females don't have to pay for anything.  Turns out I was right, and I filled out a questionnaire for one of the local agencies and waited to see if I was awesome enough to put in their dating database.

Being awesome, I made the cut, and was invited in for a personal interview so they could see what kind of personality I had (ridiculous) and what I wanted from a relationship (marriage without kids).  Only a few days afterward I got my first email with a potential date.  He wasn't particularly cute, but the thing that stuck out to me was that he "wanted to start a family" blah blah.  So I quickly responded that everything looked ok except he wanted kids, and I thought they had written down that I didn't want them.  I get a reply "Oh, sorry, I'll change that in your profile."  Ok... that's kind of a big thing to mishear but whatever. 

I get another email with a different dude who also wanted kids, and I responded the same way. I didn't hear from them for about a month, likely the holidays, but then they sent me one last week that looked acceptable but also said he wanted kids. Luckily the mistake was on their part, and they replied that he had said he was "open" and so I agreed to a date.  The matchmakers set up the date, make the reservation, etc, which is great.  They sent us both an email to say "here's your date info, show up, here's each other's numbers in case you get lost."

I get a text this morning, SUNDAY, at 9am.  Time is an immediate red flag.  This is a weekend.  I quickly check it with no intention of responding, regardless of who it was, and plan to go back to sleep.  The text I get is verbatim (name changed):

"Dear Miss Kim:

This is Dan. How are you? Just wanted to say hi and excited to meet you tomorrow.


Ok, obviously there are multiple things wrong with this.

A) It's a text message. Why is it formatted like a fucking email?? Obviously this dude is very not-text savvy, and since that's my main means of communication this will likely be a problem.

B) Jesus, you're so FORMAL.  What kind of person are you looking to date?  Definitely not ME.  It's already obvious that we'd never hit it off if we just met randomly, and I'm now wondering if I can email the matchmakers and have them call it off.

C) "Dear MISS KIM"?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I almost vomited on my cat.  Since we haven't met I'd say 99% likely this is not a joke.  It'd be a little weird as a joke, but then again my friend and I call each other "flan" and "muffin." But anyone who feels the actual necessity to write something like that is SO FAR from my personality is likely going to make me want to slowly pull out my eyelashes one by one on this date. 

What happens if this date is just miserable? How do I get out of it without the "Oh I just got an emergency call" totally obvious runaway trick?  I'm dreading tomorrow.  Ugh.

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