*GUEST BLOG* YOU'RE SINGLE BECAUSE YOU SOUND LIKE A DOUCHEBAG

A second, different, guest blogger. Enjoy!

I want to preface this by saying that I think a well-thought-out, timely obscenity can be a beautiful thing. It relieves stress, it makes a good punchline, it can put someone else at ease.

But there are limits.

Men who swear constantly: You sound like idiots. You are not Joe Pesci in "My Cousin Vinny," and we are not re-enacting "Scarface." When we are walking down the street and every other word out of your mouth contains four letters, it makes me think you either a) have a terrible vocabulary or an inability to express yourself or, worse, b) are trying to sound "cool." If you think swearing amounts to coolness, you must have really loved the seventh grade.

Some recent examples: A guy I had not even gone out with yet was e-mailing me to plan our date. By virtue of his having my e-mail address, he was able to g-chat me (a topic for another post, entitled YOU ARE SINGLE BECAUSE YOU ARE BOTHERING ME). In the middle of class, this pops up on my screen: "F--- this workday. F--- it in its mother----ing a--." Then, when we finally did go on a first date, to one of my city's nicer Japanese restaurants, frequented by older Japanese people, I couldn't stop myself from growing red everytime he spoke. At one point we were engaged in a conversation about the tsunami and resulting crisis, and this was his valuable contribution: "Yeah, they're f---ed."

My mother always told me: No one can embarrass you but you. Not true, mom. A guy you are on a date with who sounds like a complete douchebag because he wants to sound "hard" by swearing every 4 seconds? He can embarrass you. Dating is a long conversation in which you're trying to find out about the other person. When the conversation calls for its own bleep button, that's all the other person hears. Restrain yourself, and save the blue streak for guys' night. I hear they love it.