YOU'RE SINGLE BECAUSE YOU'RE DEBBIE (OR DANNY) DOWNER

Sure, all of us have had those moments after a bad relationship where we're like "all men/women are evil, I'm never dating again." However, those of us that are normal, functioning human beings can get over that after a few weeks or months of reflection and get back to a healthy view of humanity and ourselves.

We all have that friend or acquaintance (female used for simplicity, but I'm sure there are men out there like this) - "All men are evil, everyone is out to screw me over, I can't get in a relationship because it'll just end badly." No one wants to be around her because she is always bringing the mood down. You tell her about a really good date, and her response is "I doubt he'll call, he probably just wants sex."

She always makes excuses why guys don't like her specifically, yet are able to carry on healthy relationships with many females across the country and the world. "They don't like me because my thighs are too big." "I'm a strong woman, men hate a strong woman." "My boobs are too small." "I need to lose 20 lbs."

No, you know what? It's not your thighs, your boobs, your independence, or your weight. Ever hear that old saying, "It's not you, it's me"? Well, hate to say it, BUT IT IS YOU. There are fat chicks, thunder thighs, A-cups, and MANY strong women in relationships with partners who respect them and love them. You, however, are an annoying, negative bitch who makes it impossible to even get past a conversation with a guy without them figuring out you're batshit crazy.

If you're lucky enough to even get a guy to ask you out without ripping his head off about how you believe he'll take you to a restaurant, force you to pay, then make you drive to his apartment where he will tell you if you don't have sex with him you're worthless and he'll never talk to you again. After that he'll probably kick you out, make you walk home in the snow, and send hate mail to your entire family, all while sending out mindfuck emails to you saying he loves you and you should come back.

NO, you idiot, THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN. IF you get past that point and go on the date, he'll figure out he probably doesn't want to date you when you are negative and condescending the whole date and talk about guys who have treated you like crap in the past. He bolts, rightfully so, and you chalk this up to the same "all men are evil" explanation. You are, in yourself, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We get you've had some bad dates and relationships. But take a look around you - your parents, your friends, random strangers, famous people, whoever - at least SOME of these people are in normal, stable relationships where both parties are equally happy and no one plays mind games. So what's the common denominator here? YOU. People can't have relationships with you because of your crazy ass antics. Here's a suggestion - swallow your pride, go to therapy, talk to a friend, and stop being such a CRAZY BITCH.