Monday, April 4, 2011

YOU'RE SINGLE BECAUSE YOU'RE A CLINGY DRUNK

Really you could be single because you're clingy, or you could be single because you're a drunk, but in this case, he was single because he was both. It was a pretty lose-lose situation.

Once again I partially blame myself for pursuing someone I was not physically attracted to because our personalities seemed to mesh really well. Key word: seemed. After those few initial weeks when you're trying to get to know someone, the comfort apparently set in and he sadly turned into not the funny, interesting person I thought he was, but actually his clingy, cheesy, annoying real self. Oh, and that self was also drunk at all times.

I think everyone has had a "let's go out for drinks" date at some point in their lives. However, I think most people understand that when you go out on a drinks date, it's a little different then going out and getting hammered with your frat buddies. Sadly, this guy hadn't figured this out yet.

I don't drink a lot. My body doesn't like it, I get bloated and don't feel "right" for hours and sometimes even days after drinking, so I keep it to once or twice a month, preferably in a party setting. Yes, I said bloated. What female likes to feel that way? Not I. A drinks date is one of those things you do at the beginning to loosen the tension, not something you do EVERY NIGHT.

"Hey, let's go get drinks." Ok, fine. In my mind, this meant have one to two drinks and talk, then move on to perhaps watching a movie or simply going our separate ways. Nope, not here. I'd have one to two drinks, and he'd have six or seven. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

By the time we left the bar, he was embarrassingly trashed, turning into sappy clingy 15-year-old who needed affirmation at all times and tried to convince me that when he was nearly running into walls that he wasn't drunk. When I would try to be the mature, sober one, telling him that I would drive his car, he'd insist I "stop being so mean" and "I'm not drunk."

When I finally realized that this would happen every time we went to an establishment with alcoholic beverages, I suggested we stay in one night and watch a movie. Instantly he offered to make me a drink, which I declined (during the course of this one-month of dating, I gained at least 5 lbs from alcohol alone), but he took it upon himself to make one for him. Then he took it upon himself to make himself 4 more during the course of the movie. Once again, by the end of the movie, he was so trashed I had to figure out how to get out of his place without him whining, which was, sadly, not accomplished. He wanted to cuddle, make out, or pull his most annoying drunk move - slow dance in the living room.

Are you kidding? Sappy shit like that makes me want to vomit. I felt like I was dating a 12-year-old and I was his mother, having to deal with his stupidity, really annoying tendencies, and trying my best to keep him from smothering me with drunken hugs or turning into Whiney McBitch when I wanted to get the hell out. The night before I broke up with him I put up with nearly fifteen minutes of a drunken attempt at cuddling that had him almost violently stroking my hair and whispering cheesy nothings in my ear.

Ladies and gentlemen, some advice. It's probably in your best interest to not get WICKED TRASHED any time early on in a relationship, let alone EVERY time. Take a cue from your date...it's only polite - if he or she stops at two drinks, STOP AT 2. This is not a competition. And clingyness...well, we'll discuss that at a later time. But let's just say that when you want to see someone every single day and you've been dating less than a month, it's a little terrifying to anyone, especially me, who desperately needs her personal space. A LOT of personal space.

2 comments:

  1. This guy sounds like a pussy.

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  2. Wow talk about clueless....ya that wouldn't have gotten passed the 4th drink for me I woulda left and changed my number LOL. But, better late than never to leave ;) *

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